Afterwards, we went out to the church that King's Castle runs, where our team was given the opportunity to speak to Jacob and Amanda's college age group. After the amazing worship (where the church sang songs in Spanish that we could sing along to in English- so cool!), some of our team did a cool step dance, and Nick and I were chosen to do some sort of message. We decided that I would do the first part, and Nick would pick up where I left off. Let me just say... I failed. Epically.
After speaking to that group, I felt so horrible. My mind was filled with things I wanted to say that I forgot, and how much better it could have been. Luckily, Nick rocked his part, so my horribleness was overlooked by everyone else. But I still couldn't help but feel like... Well, like I let God down. As I walked back to my seat, I put my head down and kept my eyes on the floor, silently apologizing to God for letting him down. However, the moment I thought that prayer, a very clear word came into my head. It was like God was saying, "No, you didn't let me down. You did your best... You stepped out, obeyed my urging, and that is good enough for me." As I came to this realization, that just my futile attempt to serve God by obeying, was more important than delivering some awe-inspiring message, I began to cry for about the billionth time on the trip. I suddenly had a whole new understanding of God's love.
My hope is that God will somehow use something I did manage to get across to reach on of the youth there. And while I'm pretty sure that my gifting is not in public speaking, and I may not always get things right, God still loves me anyway.
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